XtineFiles

Vacation has come to end. The last stop was, and I shit you not, The "Renaissance Faire" in Tuxedo, NY. I got my medieval geek on, embraced my inner Paltrow and went head first into the Shakespearean abyss. The Ren Fest or rather Where off off off off Broadway actors go to spend their summer practicing English accents, is really a good time if you are into that sort of thing. (Yes, MBP, you can make fun of me all you want, you loved Comicon!).

I spent the day being called a wench, watching jousts, observing a human chess game, bearing witness to a beheading, eating steak on a stake, drinking mead (honey wine), viewing Twelfth Night in "Sherwood Forrest", getting my palm read, and mingling with ye local folk (loyal subjects, Lords and Ladies, gentlewoman of the shire, goodwives of the village, Knights, Sirs and Masters).

I almost bought a cape (or is a cloak?) but after a phone call from MBP (who said if I went through with the purchase I would be laughed out of Hollywood) I instead bought a clay garden gnome (even though I do not have a garden).

Here are some useless facts about A Long Time Ago, fairies and what not:

1. A Sprite is sort of a combination between an elf and a fairy, they hide in the woods and if you see them, a huge amount of good luck will come your way (I think my gnome is actually a sprite)

2. To challenge someone to a sword fight, joust, or any other public match all one needs to do is toss a leather glove in their face

3. When in doubt, dress like a pirate

4. Despite sluggish record sales music played on a fiddle, mandolin, harp or bodhran is still all the rage in the shire

5. When jousting in combat always apply one-third of stun & body damage against your own defenses (you are sure to un horse your attacker).

Am I scaring you? 'Cause I'm scaring myself.