Wednesday, October 05, 2005

 

Its the End of the World As We Know It


Given today's Hollywood rumor that Katie Holmes is pregnant with Tom Cruise's baby I think we should all pause for a moment of silence and reflect on the high probability that the world is going to end soon.

Cries of horror and dispare are coming from celeb gossip hounds. I am also hearing that a group of astrologers are currently diagnosing this calamity. And, word has it that a Tarot Card reader from Vermont says, "It's a sign from God." So, thank whoever it is you worship for all the good things in your life and then kiss your ass good-bye.

Pause.

But lets say the world doesn't end. Instead, what if there was an alternative outcome to the horror of TomKat with child?

Could it just be the great cosmic revenge where by inflicting that poor Katie with the worst case of post partem Tom Cruise has ever seen? Now that's an irony worth living for.

Comments:
I'm convinced their baby will hatch from a pod in their back yard.
 
I, for one, welcome our new Scientologist overlords.
 
i can't believe she's pregnant..ok, maybe i can. let's see, will they still be together by the time the baby is born? only time will tell. you never know in Hollywood!
 
ewww. That's just weird...

And that's all I can think to say at this time. Other than that, know there is a look of horror frozen on my face.
 
I only hope that the baby isn't born "glib".
 
I was under the impression that she really wanted to keep her so called virginity until marriage... maybe that's alright in scientology!
 
Yes, my thoughts exactly, so much for the "virgin bride". Of course, using a turkey baster does not qualify as losing your virginity, so maybe she's still OK. Poor Katie, with half the world wishing PPD on her. All right, I'm done feeling sorry for her now.
 
Holy Insemination Batman!
 
I think the conception was something like in Rosemary's Baby: she drank some wine and woke up remembering a dream about being raped by a an alien, while surrounded by chanting friends and neighbors (aka Scientlogists and publicists). Only eight and a half months from now will she realize... it wasn't a dream.
 
do i smell another tv appearence where tom dry humps oprah in his demonstration of alpha male inpregnation? boy, this will be his most challenging acting role yet!
 
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