Thursday, August 11, 2005


Know When To Fold Them

Yesturday in a freak office dusting accident the cleaning people must have changed my tv channel from CNN to Channel 3. All day, each time I looked at the TV I saw an infomercial. I dismissed this, thinking to myself how odd, CNN is running a lot of day time infomercials. It wasn't until 5:12pm that I noticed the TV was actually not on CNN it was on an informercial channel.

The infomercial that I saw most was for "Superstars of Country, The Collection" hosted by Kenny Rogers. I'll resist the urge to script out an SNL skit, instead I will give you some of the more interesting song titles that invaded my day (and YES these are real songs):

1. Sleeping Single in a Double Bed
2. If I Were a Carpenter
3. Mama Dont Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys
4. Delta Dawn
5. Heaven's Just a Sin Away
6. If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me
7. The Carroll County Accident
8. She's Actin' Single And I'm Drinking Doubles
9. Holding Her and Loving You
10. Old Dogs, Children and Watermelon Wine

I have decided to work through my infomercial audio induced trama by acting it out in the form of a contest (note: no prizes will be given). We'll call the contest "Create your own song title" post your ideas here.

I can't claim credit for either of these three country song titles, they're all real songs, but the titles make me laugh like crazy:

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

"You're the reason our kids are ugly"

"I'm out getting hammered because she's out getting nailed"
"I Only Drink Beer When My Lady Is Near"
I had a cleaning boy once who was an aspiring country singer. One of his songs was called (and I am not making this up), "I've Got Your Number (But I Don't Give a Dime)."
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