Wednesday, August 31, 2005

 

But Where Will All The Vampires Go?


Dear Lestat,

I am so sad for the people of New Orleans and the Gulf states. Are you ok? Of course I am aware that you are immortal, but I am still concerned, it is your home town and all.

I hope now you can use your powers for some good and help the folks in New Orleans and the surrounding areas. This could be the very redemption you've been seeking for 400 years.

My I suggest that you...

1. Inform people that playing, walking, drinking, driving or swimming in stagnant water that may be filled with chemicals, toxic waste, dead bodies, alligators and feces are how plagues start

2. Educate people about looting, explain to them that a flat screen tv has no purpose unless you have electricity

3. Fly over to the President's house and reprimand him for cutting funding in 2003 that would have reinforced the levees that are now in breach (funding was cut despite pleas from engineers)

4. After you clear that issue up with him ask him to stop using what is happening in New Orleans as a the perfect excuse for raising oil prices (again). And, remind him that releasing some barrels of crude oil will NOT improve his approval rating.

5. Please tell the lunnies to stop blaming the hurricane on abortion and homosexuality by comparing the shape of the hurricane to a fetus and instead focus more on helping the situation.

6. Finally Lestat, please explain to those who are too stupid to believe that the gulf of Mexico is 92degrees because of Global Warming.

Good Luck, this situation is getting worse by the second, they need all the help they can get. Oh and dont forget to donate some cash.

best,
Xtine

p.s. no money to donate? then donate your blood.

Comments:
Wow, I hadn't heard the bit about the hurricane being in the shape of a fetus. Je-sus!
 
Xtinefiles do you know what has happened to the RICE mansion? oh and did I tell you Christopher Rice lives a block over from me now?
 
i hear you on this. I am so sad from what is going on down south. on a different note, we need to assasinate bush!
 
I lived in Anne Rice's neighborhood in New Orleans. And Trent Reznor lived nearby. I wonder if my old apartment building is still there.
 
I'm loving your series of poignant letters. You definitely put this mad world into perspective, xtine. Less poignant is this Rice anecdote: I was watching teen celebrity Jeopardy back in the day and Kirsten Dunst buzzed in on an answer where the question was obviously Anne Rice and she got it wrong. When I think about all of the teen celebs that attend Ivy League schools, I really respect Kirsten for being honest enough to not go.
 
nilblogette,
you are a genius. I love that you love kirsten and her teeny tiny brain!
 
I though I was the only one concerned about the vampires down there!! :)
 
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